fashizzlemanizzle

My Chemical Romance with King Bhumibol And His Denizens.... Part Telu

And so, woke up to the bright sunshine and of birds chirping and morning cartoons, all in Thai (even of the chirping birds i tell ya). Woke up to the sound of a freaking motorbike revving up like it's using exhaust buluh. And the bed-buddy was watching some friggin motor race on tv. There really wasnt much to watch really (unless u're a BBC freak or understand NBA basketball matches in mandarin, WAH! HAO KAN!XIE MO TONG XIE!)

And so a new day begins in this part of the world. No breakfast in bed. And thankfully no doggie running up my bed licking my earlobes. Oh yeah, forgot to mention. You know how big the blanket was? You know those ol skool blankets checkered one, kaler2 ones. Well from the looks of it, it seems like they took one sheet of it, and cut it into 2, putting each piece on each bed. Juz when you tot the inn couldnt get more cheapo. Imagine trying to wrap urself, but always a leg is exposed or sumtin. I tink it'd be more appropriately used as a towel. A very itchy towel ( as in it makes u itch lah). After much dilly-dallying and seeing a video MTV of a girl that left her bra in her boyfren's car (geez they can sing juz abt anytin dont they), we got a call from our tour guidance to meet soon and go for brunch.

Brunch was a high-class affair. After much walking (we ensure that we work hard for our food, by walking, for it is thy divine reward), we settled on Black Canyon Coffee. Feelin rich we all. Ive forgotten what i had. Tink i had like rice with some fish dish, tat resembled a lot like sambal kangkong. On the menu was this weird combi of sticky rice and mango pudding. And oh yeah, basel seems to be their national spice. The basel leaves are added to practically on evry food. Even french fries.

After much eating, and doin some warm-up exercises and leg raise, preparing for wat lies ahead, we set off for ze super huge weekend market, Cha to the Chu to the Chak Pong (It's juz Chatuchak fellow readers). Took ze bullet train there and yun was pretty amazed when i described to him it was at least 6 football fields (each field measuring prob 1123 yards by 345 yards...of course this is juz a rough estimation, meaning its all crap). There were already hordes of people making their way there. Seems like evryone is tinking alike, that is to give the market a visit on saturday.

I cant possibly describe the places we went to. We juz went wif da flow fashizzo manizzoo. Yo get wat I mean. Holler yo. But our fellow crew desperately wanted to go to the animals section and look at the rabid monkey (the one that Ross Gellar has, anyone knows wats the name of his monkey? Been killing me tinkin abt it). Tink its best you look at the pics below.

Bought a total of 4 tees and a skirt (i am a closet cross-dresser). We ended the shopping spree kinda early, after like 4 hrs of walking around n round n round. Each and evry turn led us to someplace new. Amazing that place. Its as if Willy Wonka built that place as a playground for us all. A-MAZE-ing (pardon the pun, cant help it really). The early retirement was due to us having to check out our next location to stay. We were moving out of the F-Nine hotel fo' good fo' shure. Nah. Actually it was all part of the masterplan of the tour guide. She wanted a feel of the backpacker's experience. So we defnitely had to stay at Khao San, backpacker's paradise. Where the streets are lined with people making braids (read Mili Vanilli, girl you know its truee...true true true, I lip-synch) and dreadlocks (feelin rasta like the reggae man himself, bob the builder marley). Where the streets are filled with ang mohs here there evrywhere. Feels like im in America again.

We managed to find the Inn we were planning to stay in. YES, another INN. But at least this Inn, from the looks of it, has a swimming pool, balconies. Looks promising ah. Ade banglas offering tailor-services, that shud be a good sign, yea? After which, we had our dinner at this nearby so-called mcm cafe/kopitiam thingy. Got a bloody dog (no, it wasnt bleeding) moving ard here and there. This was definitely the worst food i ate my entire time there. I ordered fried rice with bamboo shrimp coz evrytin else seems to have pork in it. And when i had my food served, the first whiff i had of it was of...GASP...bau Golden Mile. YIKES! I tried to swallow and eat as much as I can (the only alternative was to eat some pork dish), and try to act cool and not show any discomfort at all. My fellow trekkers then realised i didnt finish my food, and i got down on my knees and wept and said ,"My fried rice smells of Golden Mile". It was wise of me to stop. After that juz rata ikan bakar and watch the arsenal - blackburn match.

Soon, we left the place. But before leaving, the ever-so lembut waiter remarked that one of our fellow trekker was familar. And so his gf suspects if he's been on secret rendezvous to bkk without her knowledge, meeting up wif that waiter.

Back to the hotel and word was going round that the nite was still young and we were going to a drum & bass event to meet up with some of their frens. Seeing that my fellow roomie was ON abt it, i guess i had no choice and didnt want to be the party pooper, might as well experience the nite life, BangCock-style.

After detoxicating (read defacating aka SHIT), we got ready and waited for our humble tour guide. Cukup time dua2 ekor dah pakai kasut sumer, tertido pat katil, awakened only by the knocking on the door. And so we made our way to this CLub Astra, which i had no friggin idea as to where its at. But first it was a talk-cock sing-song session at the 'coffeshop' below our hotel first. Mid-way, fellow roomie plak had to detox and so up he ran. Here was where i heard the 'fuck-you' lizard. Listen closely and according to the other trekker, its the sound of the 'fuck-you' lizard. And seriously, the lizard doesnt make normak chik-chik-chik s'pore noises. The lizards there scold you 'fuck-you'. Im not kidding you here man. If you tink tats weird, wat happens next is even friggin weirder. We were seated such that i was facing my tour guide. My view faced the road behind her. Skali, dua kali, tiga kali, out of nowhere i saw an elephant slowly making its way on the road. In disbelief, I said there's an elephant behind you. She tot i was crazy and nobody paid attention to me. Until the elephant came by to her side, then she realised i wasnt crazy or hallucinatin or anytin. There was a guy riding on top of it, and another guy insisting on us buying some veggies to feed the elephant. Such pity. We didnt accept the offer coz i seriously didnt know wat to do or wat he was sayin. But i can see the tear on the elephant's eye. Tsk tsk. Animal cruelty. When yun came back after unloading some shit, he had missed all the action. If not the killersherpa duo would have taken the evil-master down and summon Captain Planet.

So we made our way to this club astra. The taxi driver had no idea as to where we were headin to. Only after our fellow backpacker called his fren and asked him to speak to the driver in his native language, he automatically revved his car ala the Mr Brosnan ad. Vroom vroomm. We reached our destination, and the club was actually this unfinished (or finished?) abandoned like building. No tiling no nothing. And the hottest thing on the dancefloor strutting his stuff was this super-long centipede, making its way ard and the centre of attraction. Gee wheeze. And after that came my stoopid moment. My fellow cronies were all sitting down on chairs, i was standing, and so i saw this empty stool at the bar counter, made my way to it, carry it and upon turning ard, there was this super tall ang-moh holding his beer and lookin down at me and saying "Hey hey!" From his size, i refrained any thoughts of taking him down, smiling sheepishly and putting the seat back down. He then told me to take it, but of course i had my own pride, dignity and if im smaller in size, i'll make sure at least my ego is bigger than his by turning down his offer. You nvr know if i'd have his shaft up my back in return for the favor.

And so i was the official cameraman for the nite while my fellow cronies boogie woogied the nite away. Seeing this bunch of Americanos budak taik joget sembarang, feel like telling them to go home and study lah. And this Thai dude, im quite sure was high on at least some form of 'medication' turning his head left right non-stop, mcm tasbih gitu (which i seriously doubt he was doin it). Non-stop gyrating and prancing ard i tell ya that guy.

Oh well, check out the pics. Im a certified non-junglist. Made our way back to hotel after the 2am Bkk time, thats the official closing hours of the clubs. Had cup-noodle, and zonked to zzzzzzzzzzzzz land....

Next up, do anticipate eagerly for it as to how u're eagerly awaiting for Star Wars : Episode III in........
My Romance With King Bhumibol and His Denizens... Part Papat



The writer displaying the ever-so-comfy blanket. Old skool checkered rocks!



At the Cha to the Chu to the Chak market. The writer is NOT the fat guy on the left most with the cheesy sinister grin.....



The writer pre- Golden Mile scented Fried Rice, with our tour-guid, Ms Qza...



The sherpa with fellow trekker, Mr Azman Abdullah on the left....



Khao San ala Tokyo. Pic taken by yours truly. Doesnt tis pic remind u of tokyo or sometin. No? Fine. Yun admiring the seagulls in the air...



What is not seen in the picture is the dog kicked by Yun into the abyss. Or merely juz skanking even tho still miles away from the club. Cant contain the excitement. Malam pesta muda-mudi....

ChelSki 0 - Liverpool 0
Champions League Semi Final 1st Leg. Early Thursday morning, i woke up to witness a typically inspired (or shld i say defensive) performance by the Merseyside Reds. The 1st half was an even affair with both sides having equal oppurtunities to score.I must say that Didier Drogba's style of play is almost similar to another 'brilliant' ex-Pool striker, Emile Heskey. I must confess that i thought Frank Lampah nearly put Chelsea ahead but thank god he managed to place his shot like Johnny Wilkinson, above the bar that is. Then Milan Baros only effort at goal was tipped away brilliantly by Peter Czech Republic. Sial habis. Half time, had a quick teh tarik refill n waited anxiously for the 2nd half. My half full gelas of teh tarik nearly smashed against the TV, no thanks to Djimi Traore and Stevie G-string, who were starting to cockup again. But the ever reliable Jamie 'My middle name is Man of the match' Carragher n Sami Hyypia held up against Eidur n Didier. N i have had enough of Steven Gerarrd. He shld be wearing a blue jersey lah in this game. Almost all his passes went astray, no penetrating runs into the box, he looks so ready to sit next to Jose Mourinho on the Chelsea bench. Fucker. Anyways, Cisse looks like Dennis Rodman with his tattoos n dyed hair, Harry 'Chao Keng King' Kewell made his return. All in all, when the final whistle was blown, i am quietly confident we can make it to the final.
But winning the champions league wont mean u would play next season, all thanks to UEFA. Then what's the point of being European Champions? Let's be honest. Would you rather see Everton, a cock team lead by Duncan Ferguson, who thinks elbowing people in the face is like a friendly handshake or Liverpool, with the likes of Xabi Alonso who can pass the ball so superb, Liverpool would win all their matches if complete passes equals to goals.Blardy hell, his range of passes is as though i am controlling him from my X-box. Ha. You may say i am biased, but hey, this is my blog and i can rant all i wanna on my Beloved team. And if they lose the next leg, i will be okay cause that's like normal to me. But i really hope they prove me and many other Pool supporters wrong next Tuesday. Please lah. Beat Chelsea.
All you office hour workers out there, have a great Labour Day weekend. RokStaydee people. Stay tuned for King Haku's review of our BKK trip.

Current Audio - The Cinematic Orchestra

My Romance With King Bhumibol and his Denizens.... Part Deux

And so here is where i continue with my misadventures in bangcock. Yea we hopped onto a cab (not exactly a bunny-hop or a jump or anytin, but, you know, juz got into a cab lah). Yes it was Song Kran. One of the fellow backpacker so wanted to have a feel of the 'wet' experience since he was 5 years old. Hajat nye tercapai juga akhir nye. Amin. The roads were all wet, not from rain mind you. Cars were smeared with whitish things (I hope it's juz powder or sumtin, and not what i tink it is.... tartar sos). I saw pick-ups loaded with like 10-12 people at the back (not sure if they were part of the Moscow Circus roadshow or anytin), all wet and prob lookin for victims to attack with their spray guns, or baldis and cedoks of waters.

So yun's first impressions of BKK was yea, kinda like Kay El. But boy do i wish Kay El had such water festivals. See those awek aweks with serkup and wet.... priceless. And so we headed to our resting place called the A-One Inn. I shall refrain from calling it a hotel. From the pics on the website, it sure does look like a nice cozy hotel. I should have known better. The keyword here was INN. Till now im not exactly sure how i got the zany idea that it was a hotel. We came to this lorong, and i saw no swank or at least sumtin resembling Hotel Fragrance. There were these normal squeezy buildings. And yes, one of which was the el-cheapo A-One Inn. From outside, it looked like a bookstore, what with all the books stacked at one corner of the room, and a few computer terminals, prob resembling the OPAC (you remember the computer terminals at NLB last, that Octupus thingy with green wordings, that was oh-so-technologically advanced).

Firstly i was greeted by this shaggy dog who was sitted smack in the middle of the entrance. Somehow the sight of the dog was the first sign that i dont think it was the right hotel for me, what with the bad positioning of the door affecting its feng shui-ness. And so the dog then tried to get close to me. Yours truly was acting cool all the way abt the dog, till it got real close and i did an elak stunt that Pendekar Mustar would have been proud of. We got the keys, me n yun both getting confusing with the thousands of bahts in our hands (the thought of having thousands worth of money was getting a lil too much for someone hell-bent with plans of World Dominance) with the bill. It was 500baht per nite, which worked out to abt 250baht each (abt less than S$12). Remember the thumb-of-rule 100baht ~ S$4.

For the cheap price, i dont give a cat's ass abt tat dog. Tho i kept wondering if the dog would like come up to ur room in the mornings to give that morning wake up call on ur face. Yucks. And the cheap price meant there was no elevator or anytin, and so we started our climb to the top floor, the 3rd storey via stairs. By the time we reached our room at the far corner of the floor, i was gasping for air like a bird that just got castrated (is there even such en expression??). Oh yea. What a kool room it was. Really no frills. Take abt 2big steps and u are at the bed. Turn left is the dressing table, tv. The 2 beds are close together. The curtain is definitely tak cukup kain, so had to strategically cover the window in order to preserve our modesty and from prying eyes. The view is power. Nothing basically. I can see the backyard of a building where they do the laundry, and also can see the famed Ma Bung Krong Shopping Complex (MBK). Toilet, in Yun's words, you can sit at the toilet bowl and bath at the same time. Every slacker's wet dream. That was how small it was.

And so refraining myself from succumbing to Satan's call to sleep, we rested juz for a lil while n got ready to start the first round of shopping. Knowing what lies ahead, I changed from my new FV tee into more of a baju basahan. And it was a smart move. We saw the countless soldiers awaiting to ambush us with their water guns. The first tactic i tried went out the window. Not making eye-contact with them and buat muka slumber + garang. Even so they still threw water at ma back. They have the cheek to do tat. Tsk. Second tactic. Let Yun walk ahead first. That ensured he got the first shower of water, and i ran straight ahead, but to no avail. And so, might as well join in the fun lah. Let them throw water at me as long as they happy. Pity our tour guide. She had to endure not only water, but people trying to smear what look like whitish things (I hope its juz wet powder and not wat i tink it is.... ringworm / athlete's foot cream).

So the first day started off slowly. Juz got meself a Bruce Lee tee at MBK. Always wanted one. And after that, it was our long trekking in the jungles to hunt for food at this place called Peter pans or sumtin like that ah. Now that took us like wat, 2hrs to find? By the time we reached, wat was supposed to have been lunch truned to dinunch. It was close to 7+ (BKK time) when we reached. Being the was-was dude tat i was, I chose a safe bet of Fish & Chips. And rata2 pita bread with tom-yam ( a brilliat combo by mr yun). The tom-yam was excellent. The fish & chips too. It really tasted like Thailand fish.

Ard 8ish, we left for our el-cheapo inn. With the hasrat to continue shopping later in the night at the night market. Wat came next was juz as I expected and hoped for. Both the killer n sherpa changed, and plonked onto bed. I was awakeneded by the loud banging at the door. Was so freaking scared it might be a drunk nigger that'd be strong enough to smash the door and take us away. It was juz our tour guide, asking if we were ready. Me and my half-open eyes, hair standing up, she got the hint that we were prob tired and wouldnt be joining them on their nite rendezvous. The partner in crime was lying on the bed motionless, intoxicated by the tom-yam / pita combo. He only grunted sometin in thai when they asked if he wanted to go out. So i gave them the blessings to go ahead without us, and let us recuperate for our next round of major shopping at Chatuchak the next day. A cold shower (i tried Yun's suggestion of sitting down n bathing, brilliat idea) and back to sleep.

What's in store for the fab four next? Stay glued (not sniff glue) to ur screen to find out in the next edition of ...

My Romance With King Bhumibol and His Denizens... Part Telu



the writer with a seductive pose to make ur legs quiver. F-Nine Inn. Welcome to mediocre land. Notice our bangcock bible on the bottom of pic. And the langsir tak cukup kain. And juz 1 towel and blanket. 'Nuff said.



Public baths have never been this fun...

wow. my cronies list has just increased. i tink im getting more cool. Word Life.

Seeing Roddy Rowdy Piper last nite was definitely the highlight of yesterday's Wrestlemania. Now that's cool. He was among my fav wrestler, always had that insane side to him. Nvr know wat he's up to next. His match with Gold-Dust was one of my fav matches during one of the big events a few years back. Hot Rod rode in SUV to chase Gold-Dust across the highway to donno where, and whack him till jialat. That was fun.

My Romance With King Bhumibol and his denizens.... Part Un

And so the seeds of idealism were sowed way back in the 2005Ad in the summer nite of Feb. Fellow Khao San convert, Yun aka Undeclared Toiletries Shareholder brought the idea up and was looking for fellow mates to perfom Jackass stunts way up north in Bangkok. And so i pledged my allegiance and we got the ball rolling by going for the dinner at Es Teler and before i knew it, I was at Changi Airport getting ready to go BKK. Amazing aint it. Oh well i was juz too lazy to get into details.

And the meeting time was 0800hrs Greenwich meridien time, at Le Eunos. Unfortunately, I had a hard time relieving myself, and so reached at 8.20am instead. And we headed for Changi, there was already a queue at the Air Asia counter. Kiasu Singaporeans. And Ang Mohs. Our agent taking care of the free & easy tour, Ms Qza, was equipped with her file full of properties sold and our itinery. After gettin the tix, came the first dilemma! What are we going to eat for breakfast???? Oh the horror.

We settled on good ol' Raja Burger after settling the dispute amicably like grown men should. After which, we then went into the check-in gate (for those not in the know-how, there's literally no metal gate or anytin ah. Just called gate for God knows wat. In fact, its just glass. Fyna pls)

While slacking n posing in oh-so-cool Jet (not the band) cap, suddenly people started standing and queueing up. Singaporean instincts tell me, WE'D better join in. And true enough, it was just false alarm, as the plane hasnt even arrived and we were just bein plain kiasu. Did i say we? I meant them. I mean we just followed them. Wateva.

And so the Amazing race began. With our bagpacks, and the oh-so-cool Jet cap, we dashed like hyper-dash to the plane to get the best seats. Apparently it was of no use, all the seats the same lah. Worse, we were seating near a bunch of guragas playing taiti so loudly as if they were in the casino, which is even as yet to be built. Me and the sherpa, we were dozing off instead of getting involved in some mile-high club activities.

After 2-3 batu later, we finally entered the Thai aerospace and not long after, we touched at the Mongkok Airport. Later i found out that YES, after years of being part of the Aviation industry and regular flyer (mcm betul aje), i finally get to get out of the plane and go down the tarmac of the runway, and have my rockstar moment.

And so, with my shades held on top of my nose ala Morpheus, I slowly and dramatically walked out of the plane door, with greetings of SAWADEEKAP from the flight attendants. And yes, I saw the my screaming hordes of fans down there, waving frantically at me. I could have sworn i saw some fainting and in bouts of hysteria. I waved, once, and gosh, they all just started crying. This was IT. My beatles moment. The world at my feet. I slowly, walked down step by step, prolonging each movement as long as possible to savour the delight and such electrifying atmosphere. Once my feet touched the tarmac......

Of course, non of the above events happened. I simply got out of the plane got down the flight of steps, on the tarmac and hopped on the bas, pass the checkpoints and yea, finally out in BKK.

And so it was still Song Kran, the local New Year and they celebrate it with a splash. Literally. And what becomes of the fearsome foursome? Will they get drowned in some super-soaker water? Or get deported back for looking like illegal immigrants from Timbuktoo? Or end up killing and eating one another?Stay tuned and find out in the next edition of (cue Dallas/Dynasty theme song)

My Romance With King Bhumibol and his denizens... Part Deux


the writer on left (wearing his oh-so-cool Jet cap) with the other writer and CEO and chief Mogul of GoRunRabbit on his right, posing the abang abang johor way. Wayyy wayyy too kool.





The view when you fly to heaven in Air Asia, truly Asia...

been around the world aye aye aye.. (to the tune of P.Diddy n Biggie Smalls)

Yes ardent fans, ladies, gentlemen, and fellow Khao San backpackers. The killer and his sherpa are back from our Himalayan trekking of Bangkok. Short of going all the way to Kanchaburi, we managed to survive BangCock.

Great fun. New shoe, new bag, loads n loads of tees, n jeans. Watch out for updates. And maybe a flea mart to sell the small-sized tees or things we juz bought on impulse and at the heat of the moment.

Nie xie mo tong xie??

1 day to Land of Smiles. Bangkok, Wo Lai Lo.

23. Not married. No house. No car. No skool. No career. Life is just great.

Liverpool FC 2 : Juventus FC 1

This morning's game between my beloved team and the Bianconeri was a very tight affair. I must admit that looking at the team line-ups before the start of the game, we could be at the end of a serious footballing lesson. The first 5 mins we played like we were champs of Engrrend(the last time we were champs, David Lee was Number 1. Ha) Then almost 10 mins. later the house erupted. Hyppia, of all people, volleyed home the first goal as if he was a striker. My teh-tarik almost became a new stain on the couch.But in the 25th minute of the game, the football world witnessed one of the best goals in this season's Champs League. Senor Luis Garcia rembat the ball with his left foot so sweet it left me with a toothache. By this time i thought, we could score more. However, after all that pressure in the 1st half, we failed to capitalise on the possesion. The second half was a different ball game altogether. Juventus played their passing game, and we felt the pressure to get more goals. Benitez's decision to start Scott Carson didnt pay off. He did pull off a world class in the first half but Cannavaro's goal was his fault. He let the ball slip pass his hands to easily. CRAP. Thank god, we managed to hold on to the lead till the final whistle. Typical of Liverpool this season, to concede soft goals. Just hope for the best in the 2nd leg.
I would also like to apologise to my neighbours for the shouts and expletives you may have heard from my flat. Ha.When it comes to football, the adrenaline is pumping and if my mouth can be graded, it would be given a pes F grading. This means i would be exempted from NS. Fat hope. BANGKOK HERE WE COME.